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Does Your Size Make You Any Less Deserving of Love?

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Something interesting happened recently during a trip to the mall with my daughters. I was in search of a few new shirts and my personal stylist (aka 9-year-old daughter) said she knew just the store! She knows my style and picked out some perfect pieces! I told her my size and taught her a trick. It’s easier to search for my size starting from the back of the rack instead of the front because that’s where all of the XLs are. So off she went in search of XL shirts in the earthy tones I wanted. 

As we made our way through the store she stopped and had a very confused look on her face. She stood in the middle of the divide. You know, that area of the store where the “normal” sizes end and the “plus” sizes begin. She stood there looking from the front of the store to the back and asked me what the difference was. She then saw a large sign that read “Plus Size” and wanted to know what that meant. I told her that’s where the clothes for full-bodied women were. She still didn’t understand. She asked if those clothes were for me or not. I told her that I was in that funny in-between size. Not quite “normal” but not quite “plus” either. I told her I had to get L or XL depending on the brand because sometimes it fits too snug. Plus sizes don’t usually fit me right either and I have a hard time finding what I like because I guess since I’m fuller I want to look like a curtain or a table cloth…

She started to tear up and I asked her what was wrong. She told me that it made her angry to see that the clothes for fuller women were in the back. Did their size mean that they weren’t as good as a smaller sized woman? Were they not beautiful enough to get clothes off of the same racks as the smaller sizes? Why were they different? Not just their sizes but why the styles and prints weren’t as cute as their slimmer entry-way counterparts. The look on her face told me that she was hurting for me. Some part of her felt bad for her mom who she thought had been slighted in some way.

It was a great opportunity for me to have a conversation with her about self-image, self-worth, and body positivity. I explained to her that over the years, I’ve come to love and accept my body. I don’t let others dictate what’s beautiful and I don’t attach my self-worth to my body (although I used to).  It didn’t make sense for me to expect my body to look the same as it did during my younger years. The way it did when I was more dedicated to my physical appearance and my priorities were different. It’s unrealistic to expect my body to look the way it did before I was pregnant five times and went on to have two beautiful daughters. Before I was raising a family and building a business. Before I realized that my physical appearance wasn’t the stick by which I measured my self-worth.

She told me that she was just happy to have me in her life. She knew kids who didn’t have moms and that she didn’t care what size I was. She told me that you can’t see what’s in someone’s heart by the size of clothing they wear. At the end of the day what matters is what’s inside. That’s when I knew that I was living by example. Just a few years ago, I felt really bad about my size. I was cruel and unkind to myself and would say things about my weight out loud. I noticed that my daughter was listening even when I didn’t realize it.

In recent years, I’ve learned to be grateful for having a healthy body and not worrying so much about how it looks. While I’m taking steps to tone up my writer’s body, I love it in the process. It’s important that I have a positive body image and nurture my sense of self-worth not only because I have a daughter who’s watching and learning from my example but because I deserve to love myself even if I never end up losing the weight. I’m so grateful for her observation that led to our conversation. She knows that she’s the one who defines beauty and that beauty doesn’t define her self-worth.

Thank you for taking the time to read about this unexpected opportunity to have such an important conversation with my daughter. I hope that you got what you needed out of this. I also wanted to remind you that no matter your size or physical appearance, your beauty radiates from the inside out. Our body is just one aspect of who we are. I encourage you to put less pressure and expectation on the physical and more attention and energy into your inner beauty.

Sending you lots of love and wishing you all that you need to make your inner beauty radiate!

Niki's Cards (2)

 

32 thoughts on “Does Your Size Make You Any Less Deserving of Love?”

  1. That was a lovely post .a very truthful one.I loved it because it could have been me in that shop with my girl.i totally understand the struggle to accept your body.To neither came a very long way ,and sometimes I m still feel uneasy,but most of the time I’m fine.Some women fear the forties,to me hey have been the best time of my life when I finally started to love and value myself for what I am inside out.
    My eldest daughter is nearly 11 and we had that conversation last year.It is a big responsibility we have to teach them self respect and self acceptance.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’ve heard the 40’s have some magic self-love potion in them. I’m just stepping into my 30’s but I’m glad I’ve put the work into my self-love journey so my 40’s can be so magical! I’m so glad you’ve had that discussion with your daughter. It is a big responsibility isn’t it? No better way to teach than through our own example. Thanks for stopping by ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I am having flashbacks of the good old days of shopping with my daughter at the mall. I have raised a rather “outspoken ” if you will feminist as I too realized she was listening to every word I said about myself and others and thank goodness I caught myself in time.in our family the “F” word was “fat”. I banned that word from our vocabulary:!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I used to go on about how fat I was as well. One day I heard her say something about it in a really sad way and it made me realize she heard me when I spoke even though it wasn’t to her. That was the end of that and even though I was still overweight and felt fat, I started mending the relationship with my body. It’s made such a difference for both of us!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. YAASSS!!! The girls were SAD. Literally and genuinely sad that I saw myself that way. When my autistic son tells me I am so beautiful no man on this will ever be able to compete that. 😍😍😍😍😍

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m just on a break….and, no, to be clear, reading your post didn’t make me late–I was already running late but it all comes out in the wash because I rarely leave on time at the end of the day 🙂 That’s why I try not to sign on to WordPress before work–it’s so enticing when I see a post from someone who I love reading….however, by the time I get home from work, I am really tire and tend not to sign on until the weekend. So, I hope you take my visit as the compliment I meant it to be 🙂 I”ll “see” you after work 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know what you mean. When I used to work at my corporate job I never seemed to get out of the door on time. I just had a conversation with my mom today about how interesting it is that I dreaded work and didn’t think about it the moment I left the office because it was too draining for me. Now that I have my own business I work three times as hard but it’s not draining or taxing and I’m never late. Well thank you so much. I really appreciate that this is one of the blogs you enjoy so much ❤ ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Man, I know what that’s like! It was draining and soul sucking. I struggled with depression and that wasn’t doing me any favors! It’s going on 4 years now that I gave my notice. I never felt so liberated! I’m not going to lie, chasing my dreams is hard work but boy is it worth it!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I’m so happy for you. For me the issue (on those, “get out of the car mornings”) is one of draining dread, rather than depression. And that’s not to say I don’t really enjoy and value my job…it’s just that social work (as with many jobs in the helping profession) can take a toll when you care for/interact with others at such an intense level.
        Thanks for sharing your perspective 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. If I’m understanding right, it’s that sense of being emotionally drained is that right? I want to encourage you to find ways to recharge yourself daily if you don’t already. You’re absolutely right, your profession is very draining on many levels. Finding a way to clear and recharge is essential. Personally, starting the day off with 15 minutes to myself to cater to my needs or give into my desires goes a long way to helping me feel charged and ready to face the day ahead. I’d love to know what comes up for you in this regard. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Yes, Niki, emotionally drained…every morning I spend 30 minutes reading (or watching) something inspirational/spiritual. I’m about to start reading Brene Brown’s latest book, “Braving The Wilderness”. Thanks for your thoughtfulness and compassion 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      7. I’m so excited to start that book! I’ve seen a few of her recent interviews about it and I’m chomping at the bit to get my hands on it! I need to go ahead and just order it!

        Ok this might be coming out of left field but one thing I found that really helped me was going into a place of protection. Creating a space that I stepped into that would protect my spiritual and emotional energy to where I wouldn’t get drained. While I’m not in social services, as a coach it can also be emotionally draining. I’ll leave that with you to see how it feels and what comes up for you. Like I said, I could be way off base but I thought I’d share just in case ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      8. I am honored that you would think to offer me such a gift 🙂 Can you say more about “going into a place of protection”? Also, you are in the helping profession–so, although the framework might be different in some ways, our work shares much in common. Thanks for thinking of me 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Of course! So this is what I’ve done that works for me. I get into my meditation corner in the morning, light some candles and close my eyes. I envision this all white space that I refer to as my bunker. Just thinking about me makes me feel light and I feel the stress drain away. I play music and just see myself being surrounded in a protective bubble. You can call on God, angels, the universe, whatever you believe in that is greater than yourself. As I go about the day, I just remind myself of that space when I start to feel my energy slip. I used to do this daily. It’s been a year and I just do it periodically now. Like I said, that’s what I’ve done that I’ve found works for me. You can ground yourself, say a prayer, or explore other options that help to keep your emotional and spiritual energy protected and charged as you go about your day exposed to circumstances that are so draining.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. I’m home, now….I read your post again, and have the same thoughts….first, it’s fantastic–and what a sweet, sensitive soul your child is…and, it was so heartwarming to read how you made sense of things for her. You are an inspiring and generous person and a great writer and communicator. Thanks for sharing 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      11. So glad you stopped back by. Awww thank you so much. She truly is amazing. Such a sweet, thoughtful, and kind person. I wasn’t expecting that scenario but I’m so glad I was able to handle it the best way I could think of. Your words are so humbling, thank you ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. This is the kind of conversation I truly needed as a child! Instead of hearing things like “you’re going to size out of this store if you don’t watch out,” I wish I’d learned to love and accept my body through positive examples. As I enter my 30’s I still struggle with body image and dysmorphia but this is such an inspiration. If I ever have children, these are the kinds of lessons I intend to teach.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aww I’m sorry you didn’t have this growing up. I think each generation gets better at having conversations and showing support. I’m glad that I can show my daughter by example of how to love your body no mater what shape it’s in. At the end of the day that’s only one aspect of who we are. Inner beauty is definitely a bigger focus in my house. The physical is only about health not looks. I’m about to release a 30-day practice soon to help women begin to heal the relationship with their bodies. Whether or not you choose to move forward with that, I wish you all that you need to support you on your journey. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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