I thought I’d do something a little different today. One thing you might already know about me is that my blog posts are written in a stream of consciousness style of writing. Meaning that I just let the words flow unedited. I then go back and make sure that they’re grammatically correct and fix any typos but I don’t do a lot of careful planning or crafting. I started doing this for two reasons, first because it saves me time. When I wrote blog posts like a manuscript I’d write up a draft come back and edit it and it just took entirely too long to get my posts up. So for the sake of time, I had to refine my process to be able to keep up with my schedule. The second reason is that I liked what came up when I wrote in this way. When I released the expectation that I only put my most beautifully crafted words out I was able to just share from my heart and connect with readers just like you.
I just got done writing a post about moving forward when I’m prepared even though I don’t feel like I’m ready. It always surprises me when people tell me they don’t think I’d feel afraid, nervous, or self-doubt. I’m just as human as anyone else, of course, I feel that way sometimes! The more I’m doing and bigger dreams I’m chasing, the higher the likelihood I’ll feel one or all of those things in the course of a given day. So I decided I’d make a list of the ways that I feel fearful, self-doubt, or like I’m not ready in my life. Full disclosure, my hands just started to sweat but here goes!
- Live videos| I’ve been doing live videos on social media off and on for the past year. While I feel more comfortable now than I did when I first started, depending on the topic I can go from feeling a little bit of the jitters to downright scared to hit the button to record.
- My retreat| I planned to host my first retreat this year. I wasn’t scared to host it but I was worried that I’d fail, that no one would sign up, and no one would show up. I put it on the books, made arrangements and moved forward anyway. Guess what? That has pushed me to move forward with my business in a way I might not have otherwise. I’ve experienced so much growth in the past 2 months thanks to preparations I’ve made for this retreat even though no one has signed up yet.
- Motherhood| Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing this thing “right”. My intentions are in the right place but am I implementing things the right way? I work (a lot), I get frustrated and overwhelmed… I try to find the right balance between being their guide while letting them find their way. Providing structure without being too stifling. Having guidelines but not being too strict.
- Myself|I’m currently battling the guilt I sometimes feel as I chase my dreams. While I’m ok with the sacrifice it imposes on my time and energy, it’s not isolated. My family has sacrificed in many ways to support me as I build my business. They all believe and count on me. Every now and then I have days that I think I must be a masochist because it would be so much easier for me to work a 9-5 and volunteer my services. Some days it’s really hard and that’s the honest truth even though it doesn’t look good to admit it.
Don’t misconstrue this. I’m not sharing it for you to feel bad for me or to think I’m hosting a pity party. I’m sharing this because I think it’s important to realize that we all struggle with self-doubt and fear. It might differ from person to person, it might even differ with the same person depending on the day. The thing is, we all have our stuff that we deal with. We all have our areas where we feel vulnerable. I’m no exception to the rule. I just don’t allow myself to live in this space like I used to.
I used to let my fears, self-doubt, and vulnerabilities rule my life. I used to let those things hold me back. Now I understand it’s part of life. I have to face it, work on it, and do the best I can in the process. I also know that it will never end. As long as I’m alive, I’ll continue to graduate. The areas that challenge me or make me feel uncomfortable today won’t necessarily be the same next year. So I wanted to share some of those things with you because it’s important to share the journey along the way. Not just when I’ve worked on it, not when I’ve grown from it but when I’m in the middle of it. Because the middle is messy and uncomfortable but everyone knows what it’s like even if it looks different in their life. So yes, while I’m here to offer support, encouragement, and be a source of love, I’m just as human as everyone else self-doubt, fears, imperfections and all!
Sending lots of love your way!
Former comfort zone dweller turned women’s worthiness coach