Work from home mom NOT homemaker…

The past year has been full of so many changes both in my personal and business life. I went from being married to being separated and on my own. Then from starting a new relationship to getting pregnant and single in less than a year when I thought I was in the relationship that was going to be my last. On a business front, I took on a position as a manager of a Facebook group to supplement my income as I got my life coaching practice off the ground. Little did I know that my life coaching would support me in my new role rather than helping float me over until my business took off. Within six months I was promoted from Facebook Community Manager to Business Manager.

The promotion was unexpected, exciting, and demanding. It’s taken a lot of time and energy but the thing is, I don’t mind. I feel incredibly grateful to have a job I love so much! It did come with obstacles and challenges like learning how to find balance. I was juggling two roles and various responsibilities within each of them. I had a hard time being good in both areas of my life at once- business and personal. I felt that the more I excelled in one, the greater I failed in the other.

That also led to some difficulties at home. You see one of the challenges I face as a work from home mom is the expectation of being a homemaker. While I’m physically home, the key word at play in that role is work. Yet somehow, I’m supposed to work, take care of the kids (whom I homeschool), AND have the house looking like it could be on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens in the same amount of time others literally just go to work. This is an expectation that’s been put on me in my past two relationships and I just can’t wrap my head around it.

As silly as it sounds, division of household labor is something that has been a struggle. Battling the reality that as a working mom, I can’t live up to the expectation of keeping a home the way my stay at home grandmother did as a homemaker. The reality is, I know what comes with running a household but I have no desire to be homemaker hence why I choose to work. I have this silly notion in my head that being in a two income household, that means that the brunt of the household labor shouldn’t be on one partner. If that’s the case, it’s really not much different than being a single work from home mom…

Although this seems like a little thing, it can really start to wear on you. I’m all about pulling my weight and doing my fair share. But honestly, I did much more than my fair share only to be chastised when things weren’t up to par. Instead of receiving some grace and understanding knowing that if something went undone it was because there wasn’t enough time in the day, I’d either get criticized, belittled, or it would get done and be thrown in my face. I do the best I can and while I don’t need praise or applause for taking care of responsibilities, it would be nice to get some credit for the things I take care of instead of criticism for what I don’t. And I guess it’s a stretch for the few things that weren’t done to be taken care of with a smile, a good attitude, and a helping hand.

One thing I know is that everything is a lesson. In this case, I know exactly what I don’t want when the time comes to enter a new relationship (not that I’m entertaining that thought at all at the moment). Although this was something that we discussed prior to moving in and I thought we had an understanding and agreement on, I’ve learned that it’s not just about who is responsible for what. It’s about the mindset and perspective around expectations when it comes to division of labor and support within a relationship. Sorry if this felt like a petty venting session. That wasn’t my intention. This is just something that’s been bothering me for a while that I’ve tried to just grin and bare but the truth is, it annoys me and I had to get it out.

I’d love to know what your thoughts are when it comes to division of labor and responsibilities in a relationship. Do you both work outside of the home? How have you managed to find a balance that works? I’ll be taking notes for future reference since as a single mom, it’s all up to me.

17 Replies to “Work from home mom NOT homemaker…”

  1. I feel like writing is like therapy and it helps to get things out one way or another. So in my opinion you were not venting but rather sharing. And what you share if something that many of us have and do struggle with. As far as division of labor goes I have found it is rarely equal, but as long as both parties are trying and truly care about one another I believe things balance out. Truly caring to me means being thoughtful in the scheme of things and considering how much time and energy the other partner has and how much time we have. Sure gender roles have their place, but we cannot get so caught up on them that it becomes unfair in light of circumstances. I feel it should truly be a team effort. Peace and Blessings

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for stopping by, Craig.
      Very perceptive, I do write from a place of sharing… an open journal if you will. It’s just been a while and I realized it’s not the tone my readers were used to so it might have unintentionally come across that way.

      Very good point. A couple of years ago, I wrote about the difference between things being balanced yet not equal. I’m just remembering now as I read your words. I think you’re right. It’s not about tit for tat or an equal number of tasks but a distribution of the weight. Unfortunately, having it constantly distributed heavily one one person can be overwhelming. Thanks again for stopping by, so nice to meet you.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s actually something my mom and I discussed. I told her it was exactly that, a mindset. Because in conversations we were on the same page but in real life experience, the mindset was different. Definitely frustrating and not the contributing factor to the breakup, just a huge source of frustration I needed to get off my chest!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This is it, I think in some people’s minds they know the right thing they should do and think that’s what they do. It can often be a struggle for people to see things through another’s eyes. But that’s what makes relationships interesting I guess.


  2. I believe that if two partners in a household are sharing the financial responsibilities, then the domestic and household responsibilities should be shared as well. The burden shouldn’t be on only one partner.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree, I just can’t understand why that’s not obvious even after having laid that out… I can’t do both- work and fulfill the role I would if I were a stay at home mom, nor should I think anyone should have to. Have a great weekend!


  3. Niki, you’ve been through so much the past year. I’m sorry things didn’t work out better for you; I understand how frustrating and disappointing that is. I hope that 2019 brings you more happiness and fulfillment. Congrats on your promotion to Facebook Business Manager! That’s wonderful news. 🙂


    1. I have but I try to keep things in perspective. Not to compare or minimize my emotional pain, but I’m grateful that at the end of the day, this isn’t life or death, I’m not struggling financially, and I have so much to be grateful for. All things considered, life is good, I’m just going through a rough time and that’s ok. It’s teaching me what I need to learn for the next portion of my journey I’m sure!

      Thank you, I actually started off as a FB manager and now I’m the Project and Business Manager 🙈


  4. I can totally relate to your Blog. So many things can happen to distract you from living the life that you really wanna live. My journey has been mostly about finding my way back to the things I love doing. And they all involve being self-employed from home.


  5. I’m a stay at home mom, but my boyfriend also pitches in after he comes home- it’s great right now, but I’m only 1 month postpartum, so it might not stay like that

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It doesn’t have to be equally distributed, especially when one partner stays home. BUT pitching in, helping out, showing that you care, is ALWAYS appreciated.

      When we both work, it’s just not realistic for the vast majority of household labor to fall on one person. 😉

      Congrats on your little one!!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Definitely having a conversation beforehand so that you two can figure out a level of compromise, can be feasible solution. A lot of the reason why I used to get in arguments with my partner was because I had an expectation he didn’t know about or vise versa. Communication is key, whether its about roles or just reminding each other that sometimes things just aren’t going to be perfect. Hope this helps and congratulations on your new baby! Babies are blessings 😊💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh communication wasn’t the problem. It was definitely expectation. It was something we discussed thoroughly because I know *exactly* where I stand and what my bandwidth is. He was on the same page in theory but when it came to the everyday practice, the reality is, I was expected to be both- a housewife who kept a meticulous house, and a full time working mom who financially contributed. Not to mention all of the other things you juggle with motherhood, relationships, and womanhood… While I wish it were so simple, it really seems to be a mindset and expectation thing. Thank you, looking forward to the final stretch before she gets here!!

      Liked by 1 person

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