Jay Shetty recently started a podcast. I found it on YouTube trying to find something to listen to as I made dinner one night. I personally prefer video versions of podcasts. I love to see people interact as they have the conversation and get the full context instead of just the audio version. So I literally searched “podcast” and the second result was the first episode of his podcast that had just been released a couple of days prior.
In the episode, he opened up in a conversation with his wife. Which is funny because I’ve been following him for a couple of years and didn’t even realize he was married. I was drawn to them right away. I already admitted to being enamored by couples who inspire me to believe in love and healthy relationships in a post a couple of weeks ago. After watching their video, they secured a spot on my list of couples I admire.
They talked about something that really resonated with me. You see, one thing I’ve struggled with in relationships is coming into it as you are. Not that that’s a struggle but when the other person doesn’t it does make it hard. Of course in the beginning we all want to put our best foot forward. I’ll admit I dab on some concealer or take a little longer to do my hair. But all in all, I am who I am, take it or leave it. The men I’ve been with… not so much. They come in as the version they think I want them to be and then over time, can’t keep up with that version because it’s not truly who they are.
So Jay and his wife open up about their relationship when they were in the dating phase. Jay mentions traditional dating is setting us up for failure because it’s almost like an interview and I couldn’t agree more. His wife talked about most of their dates being them hanging out with her family and how she wouldn’t get all dressed up for him. It seems silly but I really liked that. They talked about being able to see one another in their natural environment. Observing how they interact with those closest to them and the type of relationships they had.
I’ll admit, it’s not like you’re going to bring around every person you date to spend intimate time with your family. BUT as things get more serious, it does make sense to spend a good amount of time in a setting like that. I’m all about being who you are so the other person knows what they’re in for. Don’t waste their time, don’t try to be your best version all of the time. Just let them see the good, the bad, and the indifferent so they can decide if they’re willing to invest in what you have.
I’d love to hear your experience on this. Do you tend to show up as you are when you first meet someone or do you find yourself making sure you go above and beyond to show your best qualities? How long would you say it takes for people in a relationship to get comfortable and be who they really are?