I’ve been getting up early for the past few weeks and dedicating the first hour of the day to myself. I generally start off by journaling. I’ve been processing a lot of thoughts and feelings since my breakup earlier this year. I’ve gone through a myriad of emotions and journaling always helps me to process. I don’t journal the way I used to when I was growing up- to vent and complain. I journal to seek clarity. I ask myself questions and voice my deepest hurts. I try to find perspective, give myself grace, and forgive myself and others.
In addition to journaling, I’ve also been listening to podcasts. This is something I’ve been doing for years but I’ve changed up what I’m listening to. Instead of turning on my go-to “The School of Greatness” with Lewis Howes, I’ve been listening to relationship related podcasts. That has me on the most intriguing journey!! Actually now that I think about it, it was The School of Greatness that led me to what I’m listening to now. Lewis had a guest on his podcast named Stephan Labossiere. I’d never heard of him before but as I listened to their conversation, I was drawn in.
Ever since, I’ve listened to probably every podcast Stephan has been a guest on in the past 12 months. I listen to the conversation and take notes of the things that stick out to me. Then the next day, when I wake up I journal. I’ve been able to get clear on so many things and it’s as empowering as it is enlightening.
I’ve been working on identifying the hurt from my past relationships that I need to heal so that it doesn’t carry on with me into a future relationship. It’s not just about identifying what hurt me but why. How did I feel as a result of that situation. It’s bringing things to my attention that I didn’t even realize were there! Some things I can write about and release while others will take more time for me to work through.
I’ve also been learning about men in general. The way they think and process things. Their priorities. The way they value things. Not that it’s the same for all men but just in the ways that men generally differ from women. That’s been interesting to say the least. That’s also led me to understand some things about myself as well as things to take into consideration in the future when I’m ready to start dating (something I’ve already decided to evaluate in 2020 because 2019 is a year of self-reflection, self-discovery, and self-love for me).
I’ve also gotten really honest with myself and written down my wants and desires. Not from a place of hurt, fear, or wanting to protect myself. I’ve allowed myself to write what I truly want whether things pan out that way or not. I’ve gotten clear on what I want on many levels and who I need to be in order for that to be a reality.
I don’t know where 2019 will take me but I know that I’m on an intense journey of self-discovery, reflection, healing, and clarity. I can’t help but feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be even though it’s not where I pictured myself. As much pain as I was in at the end of February, as I sit here writing this at the end of March, I can hardly believe the level of joy and peace I have. I’m in a good place within myself and I can’t wait to see what else I discover and where this will lead me.