So Jay and his wife open up about their relationship when they were in the dating phase. Jay mentions traditional dating setting us up for failure because it's almost like an interview and I couldn't agree more. His wife talked about most of their dates being them hanging out with her family and how she wouldn't get all dressed up for him.
Of course there are no absolutes, but do you agree or disagree for the most part? I'll be discussing this tomorrow. Curious to hear your thoughts...
Growing up I NEVER had a desire to get married. In fact, I can vividly recall as a little girl around 8 years old in my bedroom in Germany imagining my life as an adult. I saw myself as a single mom of three, living in a luxury apartment, on my own. I didn't have a husband or partner. I just saw myself working and raising my kids. I felt peace, love, and harmony.
I've always been told that my standards are too high. That I'm too demanding... I started to believe it. Maybe I was. I've been told that I have an idea in my mind of a man who doesn't exist. But then I also realized that my standards are high, but not unrealistic.
I was overcome with sorrow. I suddenly felt overwhelmed and genuinely bad for myself. I kept thinking, I know that I have what it takes to raise three girls on my own, but I don't want to. This isn't what I signed up for. This isn't how things were supposed to go.
I want to mourn this loss so I can realize that often times, it's the very failure that puts us on the path to success. Because that's what this feels like right now- an epic failure. But I can't dwell on that because even though it wasn't all good it wasn't all bad either. We had some good times together and I can't help but believe we served a purpose in each other's lives (even though it wasn't what either of us thought).
As silly as it sounds, division of household labor is something that has been a struggle. Battling the reality that as a working mom, I can't live up to the expectation of keeping a home the way my stay at home grandmother did as a homemaker. The reality is, I know what comes with running a household but I have no desire to be homemaker hence why I choose to work. I have this silly notion in my head that being in a two income household, that means that the brunt of the household labor shouldn't be on one partner. If that's the case, it's really not much different than being a single work from home mom...
I wanted to make it work at all costs. I tried everything I could. Until I knew I was holding onto the fantasy of what could have been instead of accepting the reality of what was. We went back and forth on what to do. Whether to stay or go our separate ways. But in the end it was clear, the best thing to do was to walk away.